she woke up with a sticky ear
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
