Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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