Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
