I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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