Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
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