its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
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