Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
