Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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