I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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