My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
