you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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