Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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