so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
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My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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