Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
