he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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