i permit you to call me
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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