There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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