make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
