ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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