My Higher Power is John Stamos
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
