I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I wish you could order shots online.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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