one word: firstdatebathroomanal
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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