mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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