Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I had to cum in my sink.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
