How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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