Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
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