State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
