Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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