i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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