During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
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I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
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I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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