Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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