Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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