I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
