I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
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my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
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My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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