he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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