Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
