I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
