I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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