i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
