Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
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I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
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Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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