Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I think I won the penis lottery.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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