Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
