I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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