and she was petting her beer can
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
