i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
