Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
