I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
