she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
