I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
