he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
