You're completely useless in the revolution.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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