Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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