you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
