I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
