Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
