he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
