are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
