Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
