If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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