i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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