Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
