I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
