I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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