is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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