how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
