I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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