i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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