if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
