put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
