jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
