My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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