rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
