I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Randomize
