so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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